Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Candidate Franken on the campaign trail,
making "Coleslaw" Coleman an epic fail.

By Me, Ed Gauthier

This week it was confirmed that Al Franken is the coolest, and his rival Norm "Coleslaw" Coleman is a big fat liar who tells lying lies.

Republiscum "Coleslaw" lost the Minnesota Senate race five months ago in November. Then he also lost the recount. Then he lost the lawsuit. Why? Obviously because he's a LOSER. Whatever was left of his career is over, thanks to this fiasco.

Democrat Franken has patiently waited for 101 days after winning. Every single ballot has been reviewed. The five-person State Canvassing Board (which has only one member who's a Democrat) ruled that Franken won - unanimously. Then a three-judge panel conducted an exhaustive seven-week trial. The judges ruled - again, unanimously - that Franken won and that the election was fair. "The overwhelming weight of the evidence," the judges ruled," indicates that the Nov. 4, 2008, election was conducted fairly, impartially and accurately."

The result was that the court ruled that Franken "received the highest number of votes legally cast in the 2008 United States Senate general election and is therefore entitled to the certificate of election." For good measure, the court even ordered Coleman to pay some of Franken's legal fees and court costs. Coleman, through his attorneys, indicates he may appeal to the Minnesota Supreme Court, and if he loses yet again, might try the US Supreme Court, none of which would do him any good at this point.

That's because all that would take so much time, that by then Franken will already be seated in the Senate. Minnesota law calls for the governor to certify an election once all state appeals are exhausted. Of course, the state's Republican governor Tim Pawlenty could refuse to certify the election, even if the State Supreme Court rules for Franken, in order to ingratiate himself with the right-wing of his party for a potential presidential bid. (But if your party has already decided that you're even less qualified than Sarah Palin to be VP, they're not going to make you president, anyway.)

Franken's confirmed victory will look great at the end of future
updated versions of this classic documentary on his Senate run.

Yes, Franken has won, but only after he was forced to win not once, not twice but THRICE. This has to be some kind of record!

Sure, the Republiscums don't want the Dems to have 59 votes in the Senate. Just like when in the 2000 presidential recount, the same Republiscums also stuck us with the worst president in the last hundred years.

Anyway, now almost a half year after last November, Franken will finally take his rightful place in office, and hopefully also be elected quickly to a second term, with none of the kind of hassle that plagued him the first time around.

Remember that despite all the surrounding hoopla, the voters indeed voted for him, Al Franken. And Minnesota will now be a better place being helped by a Senator like him, Al Franken. And so our hearty congratulations go out to you, Al Franken.

Frank you. I mean... thank you.